( Sansa decides to text about this issue rather than to talk face to face because it's embarrassing for her and she's also worried about reactions - both her own and Baby's. He's promised he won't hurt her and he hasn't, so far, but Claire has her worried that this thing she likes so much isn't going to work out if she doesn't progress further than she's comfortable with. She types and deletes several things before deciding on a final draft: )
I know you said that you didn't want me to look upon our time together as duty but I spoke with Claire today. She's a nurse? She says I ought to speak to you about my fear of the bed because you'll expect me to come to yours. I care for you and I trust you but I'm afraid of it. I don't deny you that because I don't care for you. It's because of what happened to me there.
[ Before answering, Baby reads the message a few times, taking it in, making sure that he's not going to reply something wrong. He doesn't want to hurt Sansa, in any way, shape, or form, and he's kinda glad she picked text, himself - it's easier this way. ]
I would never want you to do something you are not comfortable with. Do I want to have sex with you? Sure, eventually, but not before you're ready, and definitely not if you don't want it. I don't expect anything so much that... I'd like to. But I'd never make you. And I promised I'd be patient, and we've only just started dating, so it's not like I'm thinking we should be having sex already.
I have to say, though, that I think I can probably make you feel good, without involving anything that might frighten you.
I'm afraid I'll tremble or cry or forget that you aren't him and don't mean to hurt me. Some men like to hurt women - I am intimately acquainted with that. I don't think most want to, though, or that it's supposed to be painful.
( Sansa scans over the rest of the text and sees his last sentence, one that gives her pause. Ramsay had acquainted her with many things but she's not aware of something that would make her feel good. Sex is supposed to be about men, not women. )
How, then? I don't know anything other than...forgive me, the words are so crude. Fucking and sucking. Neither of those really do anything for me other than make me miserable.
I don't want that. I don't want to do anything that could remind you of someone like that. I don't want you to ever be scared when you're with me.
[ He has to smile at her 'forgive me', even though the words do feel weird, written by Sansa. ]
No one has ever cared about pleasing you, have they? You'll have to forgive me right back, I'm not very good good with words. But I could use my fingers, or my mouth. Show you that it can be good for you.
( Sansa feels her cheeks heat even though she isn't looking at him and she's terribly glad she decided to do this over text instead of face to face. She actually thinks she might never have mentioned it with Baby in front of her; she wouldn't have wanted to see him disappointed in her. )
Your mouth? Like kissing? We already kiss, Baby. You must think I'm terribly backward to not know these things but a lady isn't supposed to know them. My duty is to bear heirs for my husband. Pleasure doesn't factor into that necessarily.
no, not like kissing. as I said, I'm bad with words, but maybe, one day, I'll get to show you. I feel like... if you wanted to know more about what I'm talking about, which is foreplay, you should talk to your girlfriends. I mean, I can try to tell you more, but I think they might be better at talking about it than I would be.
I don't think you're backwards. I think where you come from is a lot different from where I come from. And where I come from, pleasure is the main point of sex. Sure, people have kids, but it's not the only reason why we have sex. And a woman's pleasure is also extremely important. It is to me, at least, I don't see the point of sex if it's going to be a one way street. I want to make you feel amazing.
I don't want to talk to my friends about being naked with you, Baby. That's embarrassing. I mean, I presume I would be naked to engage in this kissing that isn't actually kissing. Perhaps there's a book.
( A few moments, and then: )
If I promise to try, will that be enough? I really do care for you. I'll do what I must to continue seeing you. If we were in Westeros and I did not wish to go to bed with you, you'd simply take a mistress for that part of it and I would be your lady everywhere else. But I don't...I don't want you to go to someone else for that part of it. I only want you to come to me. I just know it is unfair of me to ask that of you if I am not seeing to what you want. And...well, I do want it. Sometimes when I kiss you, I do want it.
Girls talk about this stuff. I don't think you have to worry about it being embarrassing. But you don't have to, if you don't want to. I'd like to tell you more, but I feel ill-equipped. What works for me is very different from what works for a woman, and I wouldn't want to tell you something that isn't correct.
And, no, nakedness is not a requirement, if you don't want to be.
What I want, Sansa, is for you to be happy. To feel safe, and to have a good time. I don't want you to force yourself to do anything you're not comfortable with, and that isn't going to change. I won't force anything, ever. If you do, genuinely, want me to try and show you how I can maybe give you pleasure, I'll be more than happy to do it. But only if you want to.
I don't want to go to anyone else, either. I care for you too much.
I'm not entirely certain how you intend to reach certain parts of me if my gown is still on. If you manage that, I think you will be eligible for knighthood. Do you swear to me that what you want to do with me won't hurt me?
Well, I can most definitely try my very, very best.
and, I swear. Look, let's make a promise to each other: if we go there, and you want to show you what I mean, and you are uncomfortable, or scared, or worried at any point, you tell me. You stop me. This isn't going to work if we're not open with each other. What do you say?
It's not conditional, Baby. I gave my word that I would try and I intend to keep it. I won't deprive you of my affection in that way. It's unfair. Besides, from what I understand, I may be depriving myself of something too. If I am in pain or frightened, I'll tell you to stop. You'll listen. We're of an accord in this. I don't know what to ask for, however, so you'll have to demonstrate.
[ Is his pulse picking up, thrumming in his neck? Maybe. No one is around to judge him. ]
All right. I can do that. I can demonstrate.
[ He wants to add that it's not unfair for her to want to take care of herself, but she is just as stubborn as he can be, and there are battles he'd rather lose, like this one. ]
( Sansa's pulse is doing funny things too, and she's blushing, but with no one around to judge her she's a little less concerned than she might be normally. )
You've made me blush and I still have no idea what you intend. Would you stay in my bed afterward, at least?
I never want you to leave. The worst part of my day is when you go home. If you stayed in my bed sometimes, I would like that. I'd like to sleep next to you.
( Sansa isn't certain how to take that but since he'd been the one to suggest the act and he'd also said he was looking forward to it, she supposes she should take it well. )
I'm looking forward to it as well. I'm not certain what to expect, though. You'll be gentle with me?
[ He suggested it, not thinking she'd be agreeing to the idea! At least, not as fast as she seems to be. He thought he'd be going without getting any kind of sex for months. ]
oh, don't worry. I'll be tender, and true, and I'll take my time
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6 March - after talking to Claire
I know you said that you didn't want me to look upon our time together as duty but I spoke with Claire today. She's a nurse? She says I ought to speak to you about my fear of the bed because you'll expect me to come to yours. I care for you and I trust you but I'm afraid of it. I don't deny you that because I don't care for you. It's because of what happened to me there.
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I would never want you to do something you are not comfortable with. Do I want to have sex with you? Sure, eventually, but not before you're ready, and definitely not if you don't want it. I don't expect anything so much that... I'd like to. But I'd never make you. And I promised I'd be patient, and we've only just started dating, so it's not like I'm thinking we should be having sex already.
I have to say, though, that I think I can probably make you feel good, without involving anything that might frighten you.
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( Sansa scans over the rest of the text and sees his last sentence, one that gives her pause. Ramsay had acquainted her with many things but she's not aware of something that would make her feel good. Sex is supposed to be about men, not women. )
How, then? I don't know anything other than...forgive me, the words are so crude. Fucking and sucking.
Neither of those really do anything for me other than make me miserable.
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[ He has to smile at her 'forgive me', even though the words do feel weird, written by Sansa. ]
No one has ever cared about pleasing you, have they? You'll have to forgive me right back, I'm not very good good with words. But I could use my fingers, or my mouth. Show you that it can be good for you.
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Your mouth? Like kissing? We already kiss, Baby. You must think I'm terribly backward to not know these things but a lady isn't supposed to know them. My duty is to bear heirs for my husband. Pleasure doesn't factor into that necessarily.
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I don't think you're backwards. I think where you come from is a lot different from where I come from. And where I come from, pleasure is the main point of sex. Sure, people have kids, but it's not the only reason why we have sex. And a woman's pleasure is also extremely important. It is to me, at least, I don't see the point of sex if it's going to be a one way street. I want to make you feel amazing.
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( A few moments, and then: )
If I promise to try, will that be enough? I really do care for you. I'll do what I must to continue seeing you. If we were in Westeros and I did not wish to go to bed with you, you'd simply take a mistress for that part of it and I would be your lady everywhere else. But I don't...I don't want you to go to someone else for that part of it. I only want you to come to me. I just know it is unfair of me to ask that of you if I am not seeing to what you want. And...well, I do want it. Sometimes when I kiss you, I do want it.
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And, no, nakedness is not a requirement, if you don't want to be.
What I want, Sansa, is for you to be happy. To feel safe, and to have a good time. I don't want you to force yourself to do anything you're not comfortable with, and that isn't going to change. I won't force anything, ever. If you do, genuinely, want me to try and show you how I can maybe give you pleasure, I'll be more than happy to do it.
But only if you want to.
I don't want to go to anyone else, either. I care for you too much.
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and, I swear. Look, let's make a promise to each other: if we go there, and you want to show you what I mean, and you are uncomfortable, or scared, or worried at any point,
you tell me. You stop me. This isn't going to work if we're not open with each other.
What do you say?
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It's unfair. Besides, from what I understand, I may be depriving myself of something too. If I am in pain or frightened, I'll tell you to stop. You'll listen. We're of an accord in this. I don't know what to ask for, however, so you'll have to demonstrate.
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All right. I can do that. I can demonstrate.
[ He wants to add that it's not unfair for her to want to take care of herself, but she is just as stubborn as he can be, and there are battles he'd rather lose, like this one. ]
but, no pressure.
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You've made me blush and I still have no idea what you intend. Would you stay in my bed afterward, at least?
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[ He's a cuddler. ]
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( Sansa is also a cuddler. )
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I will allow you beneath my skirts to use your mouth. I know what it is now.
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oh - okay. all right.
[ What do you say to that. 'Should I come over now?', or 'That's nice of you'? ]
I'm looking forward to it
[ Face, meet palm. ]
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I'm looking forward to it as well. I'm not certain what to expect, though. You'll be gentle with me?
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oh, don't worry. I'll be tender, and true, and I'll take my time
[ Someone's listening to Elvis. ]
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Okay. Okay, I will.
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